GARR’S BEER Announces Possible Collaboration with AB INBEV

PRESS RELEASE
​April 1, 2019

Interview by: Beer & Garden Magazine

B&G: Why do a collaboration beer?
G: Garr’s Beer is recognized for doing unique beers with unusual ingredients. Craft brewers typically use all barley malt bills. We want to experiment with something weird like rice, and they are known for diluting their mash bills with rice. Who better?

B&G: Why rice instead of corn syrup?
G: There are some differences between rice and corn(syrup), but primarily they are both cheap fermentables that lighten beer. We could support US farmers by using corn, but instead we’re using rice. Although rice takes up more arsenic than other plants, we have chosen to ignore any concerns about arsenic in rice.

B&G: What’s the controversy about rice vs. corn syrup?
G: It’s just a marketing ploy by AB to destroy the beer market by creating dissent and confusion among the consumer. Apparently they hired the dumbest marketing people on the planet that are too young to remember the cola wars, which eroded overall market share. I guess AB has so many trash beer alternatives made with things like high fructose corn syrup that they don’t care about the real beer segment. Lesson learned is that beverage companies should not publicly attack their rivals.

B&G: Any other news you want to share?
G: It’s not yet confirmed, but we will be releasing a THC beer on April 20th: It will be called GARR’S BUD. It will smell like burning rubber colliding into a skunk, and doused with cat urine. Apparently people love this stuff.

#local #craftbeer #independentbeer #rice #cornsyrup #aprilfools

*If you believe anything in this press release is true, it’s your own damn fault. But there was a point.